『♢ Tнειя εиd ιѕ ƒιχεd тσ тнειя вεgιииιиg; αѕ тнε ƒlαмε ιѕ вσυиd тσ тнε cσαl - Aиd тнε εмвεяѕ тσ αѕн.♢』
❛ Iи тнε ѕωεαт σƒ тнч ƒαcε ѕнαlт тнσυ εαт вяεαd, тιll тнσυ яεтυяи υитσ тнε gяσυиd; ƒσя συт σƒ ιт ωαѕт тнσυ тαкεи: ƒσя dυѕт тнσυ αят, αиd υитσ dυѕт ѕнαlт тнσυ яεтυяи.. ❜
Sanguine tears fell as hammers upon the heart of abeyance. A thrall of petrichor flagellant, wounds and mouth agape upon shifting shades of pale upon pale. Suspire rugged heaving, the clot of stagnation, a knot upon the red string of fate which pulled tort lashed wrist and bleeding heart. Was it the scarlet sarabande that elicited the quiescent anhedonia to poisons the dance of thought? Could she reach out to grasp strong hands or soft cheek, the vivid warmth of recent memory that bled into dreams of youth. Swirls of emotions held close to sift through and discern truth from illusion. It matters naught; the paradox of timeless removal from the outside world diluted remissions of hope. A tragedy laid bare yet unseen and uncared for, so much alike the countless ghosts that it bled into the walls that could never reach the correct shade of white. She hadn’t the desire or vigour to attempt a catalogue of thoughts she could call upon to retain sanity. Just hollow, a shell who could only wait for the promised absolution that never came. Such as the life of cattle rodents for the sole purpose of the excitation of experiments that would never see the light of day.
To whom did prayers fall upon spoke by the lips of bishops and false prophets? This godless place heralds no liberation, yet atrocities were done in the name of a god they were long abandoned. There was no salvation here; credulity rules with sins, and the devil would be proud. Did they carve into flesh and inject infernal serum in vain preparations for communion with the divine? It was cold, so much so that the condensate breath danced upon burned tongue and chapped lip. Pull close the rotted rags that only serve to hide bruises and plague. The sickness was the worst part, manifestations of manufactured pestilence and assortments of pathogens inflicted in the hope of studying stricken fever and rarely finding cures, never granted. If she knew of the concept of hell, it would not compare. For this place, so oft-promised sweet release only to cruelly pry from bloodied hands. Not to nothing, the corpses piled high, discarded ash upon funeral pyres, not so much as a tomb nor stone to honour the nameless dead. Those who did not perish begged for death, even if it meant rebellion in hopes of tasting bullets should they be deemed worthy of such fate. Some chose to flee but were justly hunted by baying hounds and bayonets. They did not, maintaining the false facade of obedience to escape reprisal.
❛ Iƒ тнσυ ѕнαlт вεεѕт dяεαм, тнεи ѕнαll dяεαм вε вεqυεαтнεd. Bυт тσ ωнαт εlѕε dσ ωιlтεd cαттlε dяεαм σƒ вυт lισиѕ? Ðσ вιяdѕ чεαяи тнε σρεи ѕкч αѕ тнε ѕσιl lσνεѕ тнε яαιи? ❜
The shroud of familiarity and vestige of diaphanous thread beckons as lullaby to cradle is the eulogy to casket. Duality of entwined misery heralds a canvas for the two tragic fates upon decayed triptychs uncomplete. Was there yet another who staunched the chorus of a choir who sung to the empty heavens? Did they, too, suffer as thee? or were they the ones who ushered them to the abattoir? Frivolous poetries and waxen seals maintained secrets and servitude. The yin and yang coiled the two whom could not fathom names and feared to remember faces. One of which showed promise and the other impotence, so difficult to discern between the flux of potential and punishment waning to whims of callous intention. Could the other look upon each spectre loomed? The shade of ephemeral maternity, embraced with the inexorable terror of one’s end. No, she knew it was not so, and so did she know that her other half bequeathed their apparition to which made no imprint unto her world. Was it one and the same as they? Or different dregs of the same melting pot of curses?
Rarely did the two sit in shared silence together without the presence of benighted fear. But as of now, they did, oft stealing glances between them, unable to maintain eye contact but just enough to share furtive expressions with wordless conversation and saturnine smile should they find will to muster it. If one had the courage to speak, would they? The mere urge to break deafening silence wavered the heart so sure of its retribution. What else to do but to count the blotched stains of blood and bile that covered face and cloth, like a fresco to plague. The unease was not only due to the anxiety of a call to duty but the unexplainable wrongness felt. Reflections of inversion, one of which had the darkest of hair and roseate eyes, the other pale ashen white upon pale blue — a dove and crow, clipped of wings and beak as penance for the sins of the swine.
❛ Aиd αll dαчѕ вεgαт чσυтн ωнιcн ѕнαll cσмε тσ ραѕѕ. Nειтнεя иαυgнт вυт нαlƒ α dεcαdε вσяи υитσ тнε εαятн, иειтнεя ρяινч тσ тσυcн σƒ lσνε иσя ѕмιlε σƒ ƒяιεиd. Wαѕ ενεя σиε ѕσ εαgεя ƒσя тнειя ѕσlιтιυdε тσ вεѕεεcн σƒ тнεм тнειя dεѕιяε? ❜
Both sat upon their respective corners consisting of metal frames and mattresses too hard to find sleep. A blanket if luck found them, though the idea of a pillow was foreign. One sat face buried with knees pulled close, the other hunched sat on the edge watching feet dangle. They could not sleep if they wanted to; the sickly sodium vapour glared through thick glass, periodically holding scowling faces. If one knew of such things, it was nighttime, though the depth unknown. Sometimes, the blinding bleach of light shone for days only to be robbed into darkness for weeks, a sick game of manipulation. Typically, this time would be spent in rare chances for tears and fruitless attempts to sleep. Or to at least mimic the sight of it lest they desired beatings, ones of which were dished out with the meagre rations of bread and water for supper. The occasional handful of rotten rice or gruel savoured to wash away the taste of blood or scraps of decayed meat discarded from meals one could only dream of.
❛ Wнαт ιѕ ƒяεεdσм тσ тнε cαgε σƒ ƒεαя ιтѕεlƒ вυт тσ lεт тнε ραιи εlσρε ωιтн ιтѕ мεмσяч? ❜
The usual cocktail of decoctions and unknown drugs gave no ability to sleep. It had been days at least, the fatigue set in, and their bodies begged for rest they could not obtain. The mere fact of their shared survival was not left to chance but the built immunity to most inflictions and resistance to the various adulterates imposed upon them. Many would have died from fatigue or dehydration, the failure of organs and deprivation of the most crucial necessities. To what ends would satiate their captors? How deep must scars go, and how few parts of their bodies left untouched? They were lucky to not serve as gratification and maintained chastity, the faintest sliver of innocence left unmarked. Though even there, they had felt the sharp pain of needle, the one constant aside from the hunger which rends gut to spine.
❝ What is your name? ❞
Stark silence broke into the rhythm of parched voice cracked upon a question neither could remember whom of which uttered. Had anxiety given way to idle conversations? The choking anxiety was lifted with a tug as draped curtains permitted the morning sun. The mere fact of it was so sudden and foreign to have them share the same expression of misted relief lined with the all too familiar sense of fear promised unto tongues which dared to speak. Mayhaps the heightened senses of nose and ear, the result of their purpose which allowed them to gleam rough schedules and knowledge of what approached to allow possible reprieve, the yearning of a friend. Had they the truly agency to know of what lays beyond porcelain steel walls, would they have stayed silent?
❛ Wнαт ιѕ α ρяαчεя ƒяσм ѕσмεσиε ωнσ αвαиdσиѕ тнε σиε ѕнε cαllεd нεя σиlч ƒяιεиd? Wσυld ѕнε εχρεяιεиcε тнε αgσич σƒ lσиgιиg ƒσя ѕσмεσиε ωнσ lσиgεя εχιѕтѕ? ❜
The isolation of knowledge never uttered chafed deep into one’s heart; despite the flood of memories that seeped into her after so long, she still fled her fate. She knew her sins were far too many to count, the guilt of knowledge that her continuation was followed closely by those nameless faces and fears she wished so dearly to leave behind. The face of the girl whose name ingrained into her was the first ever heard. The loss of which weighed heavy on her heart, knowing that it was by her hand she perished. If only she knew that those same eyes gaze upon the stars just as she did, both unaware of the others' existence.
As eye gazes unto bleak skies, feet upon summit looming over the vast expanse of boreal white melting into blackened heavens and icen breath. The gentle fall of snow upon skin was almost a relief. She could see it in the distance, the vague silhouette of home she abandoned. Were they still there? The faces of friends and lover, the blissful warmth of fire and taste of food upon her tongue. Did they miss her, or had they grown to resent her as the world did? Did they move on and forget her as she did them for so long? Could she have remained in that life so lush with warmth and love? Or was it on that portends only the crescendo of destiny which leaves all but dust in her wake? The brief sight of familiar faces through stained windows, smiles and cheers sung ever so sweetly to her. What of her child born, the man she loves so? She feared she would do harm unto them, to permeate the cycle of suffering that she was born into, the sins of a mother inherited.
Despite her heart fleeting and feet pulling her toward, her mind raced. Dare she knock upon the wood that promised peace or turn and run as she did but a year prior? She could hear the laughter beyond, the scent of liquor and sounds of music, nostalgia. Shaking hand placed upon grained wood yet dared not push upon it. A gentle streak of blood gifted with silver pendant placed lovingly to hang on handle. The star-cross pendant she always wore around her neck, despite the broken insignia that indicated a Saint’s fall from grace. The pivot of her feet trod yonder, leaving a trace of longing and feet imprinted into the snow and body unto shadow.
❝ No, it’s far too late for that. ❞
